A few yummy morsels of sweet decadence for your warm liquid heart, from my new book, ‘Love’s True Home.’
I was feeling so low when I woke up this morning that I had to climb an 18 ft extension ladder to get up to the basement, but I’m alright now.
Yesterday I was sitting at a local cafe slurping back a cup of coffee when a stranger approached my table and said “Can I join you?” I quickly scanned my body top to bottom and replied “Why, am I coming apart?
As I stood at the edge of the precipice my nose began to tingle, emitting fluorescent sparks. Suddenly I left my body and as I hovered above the time track I witnessed past, present and future events simultaneously. All of creation lay before me; everything made scents to my holy proboscis, a true ‘beak-on’ of truth. Henceforth I became known as ‘Nostrildamus,’ He who nose all.
I knew something was slightly awry this morning when I woke up and found myself singing ‘You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman.’
I welcome your opinion as long as you don’t make any suggestions.
Saints are not immune to the wide spectrum of human ailments. I am presently writing a short story about a great soul, a pilgrim of peace, who suffered from frequent bouts of flatulence. He transformed this curse into a benefit by propelling himself across an entire country on a cloud of methane. It’s been quite a gas writing it. The working title is ‘Gandhi with the Wind.’
Being hung up on the past is like looking over your shoulder and staring at your ass. You can’t see where you’re going and no matter how long you stare at it, it’ll never be what it’s ‘cracked up’ to be. What a bummer eh?
It is hilarious that some who profess to be able to predict the future and others who say that they can see into the past don’t even have a clue what’s going on right now.
Life could be likened to a cow. It always seems greener on the ‘udder’ side and there’s an never-ending stream of bull to contend with.
I can’t remember much of what he was talking about. I think it was advice on how to be a good listener.
Human beings are living proof that God has an incredible sense of humor.
What a shock it was to observe my gentle-natured vegetarian friend as he unleashed a flurry of violence today. I watched in horror as he poked the potatoes in the eyes, yanked the corn by the ears, squeezed a head of lettuce and tore the heart out of an artichoke.
Holy horse plop! I just realized that I have spent my entire life getting to where I am right now! What a trip!
I am sure there are many good reasons for reason but for some reason I just can’t come up with any right now. Am I being unreasonable?
A recent survey suggests that pregnancy is a leading cause of childbirth.
After studying polygamy for several years I came to the conclusion that there are too many sides to consider.